A Matter of Choice
A one act play by Shaun Winters
Characters
Paranoia & Reason (Incarnate?)
Scene
Paranoia is sitting, slouched on a couch, facing the audience. Reason is sitting at a dinner table to the right of the couch, drinking some tea. The dinner table has a small plate of cookies on it. To the left of the couch there is a bed with a suitcase on it, and a dresser full of clothing. There is a coffee table in front of the couch with a coffee cup and a loaded pistol on it.
PARANOIA (Speaking with a fake English accent) You know they’re watching us, right?
REASON What?
PARANOIA Right now, they’re watching us!
REASON Of course they are… that’s what they do. They watch!
PARANOIA That doesn’t concern you?
REASON Why should it? If watching is what they do, and they’re watching, then what’s the problem?
PARANOIA Well, the problem is that they’re watching us!
REASON Why is that a problem?
PARANOIA Doesn’t it make you uncomfortable that we’re being watched?
REASON I’m not sure… should it?
PARANOIA I think it should!
REASON But……. Aren’t we here for them to watch?
PARANOIA Oh…. I never really thought of it that way…… (pause for 30 seconds) Hold on a second… Why are we here for them to watch?
REASON Because that’s what we do
PARANOIA Since when?
REASON Since forever? I don’t know! … Why are you asking such paranoid questions anyway? Have you been drinking coffee again?
PARANOIA (Hiding the coffee cup in the couch) I have not! I was just thinking that it’s a tad bit odd that they would be sitting there watching us! I mean, why would anyone want to watch us sit here?
REASON Perhaps they find us entertaining!
PARANOIA Entertaining? What could possibly be entertaining about 2 people sitting here bantering about nothing in particular? I’m telling you, there’s absolutely nothing entertaining about us!
REASON Oh…………….. Why are you talking in an English accent, by the way?
PARANOIA (Dropping accent, Startled) Uhh… well it’s more interesting than when I talk like this, isn’t it?
REASON The plot thickens!
PARANOIA Oh come on… what else am I supposed to do? There’s nothing else to do here, (Regaining accent) so I might as well play the part!
REASON Really? I’d think if you didn’t like the part you were playing, you’d change it.
PARANOIA (Dropping accent) Well it’s what they want to see, isn’t it?
REASON Is it? …… Since when are they in charge anyway? It seems to me that they’re watching us. As such, we do have a bit of control over what they see. If we don’t like our part, we can just change it. They’ll be none the wiser.
PARANOIA I disagree… It’s all laid out for us. I mean, look at this gun here! Chances are, no matter what else happens, that gun is going to go off. It will probably be aimed at one of us… which means at least one of us is going to die. It’s inevitable. There’s even a chance that neither of us will get out alive! Why else would the gun be here?
REASON (Paranoia stays focused on the gun while Reason walks towards the bed and starts packing the suitcase with the clothing from the dresser) I really don’t know. You realize the gun could be there to instigate some sort of conflict, right? It might not actually be here to kill someone…… Perhaps it’s meant to be some sort of pet!
PARANOIA A pet gun? Whoever heard of a pet gun?
REASON You’ve never heard the phrase “Happiness is a warm gun?â€
PARANOIA Whoever came up with that must have been deeply disturbed
REASON Probably
PARANOIA Either way, do you never watch movies? Whenever there’s a gun present, someone gets shot! That’s the way it works.
REASON Perhaps I should point out that this isn’t a movie?
PARANOIA It doesn’t matter. We’re still here to entertain them, aren’t we?
REASON I doubt they care either way. We could shoot the gun at them, and they’d sit there laughing thinking it was part of the show.
PARANOIA Until one of them died… See, even if that were the case, someone would get shot. That’s my point.
REASON You have a pretty limited world view, don’t you?
PARANOIA I resent that! I watch plenty of educational TV! Enough to know that chances are someone put that gun here so we would kill each other trying to figure out why it was here!
REASON You really need to lay off the caffeine
PARANOIA (Walks over to dinner table, picks up tea cup) You gonna drink this?
REASON Nope, but I’m guessing you are.
PARANOIA (Drinking tea, picks up a cookie from the kitchen table and starts eating it) So nothing about this situation concerns you? It doesn’t bother you that they’re watching us? It doesn’t worry you that there’s a gun on the coffee table? You don’t want to know the meaning of all of this?
REASON Nope.
PARANOIA You’re fine with just letting things happen as they’re going to happen?
REASON Who said I believe in fate?
PARANOIA You don’t believe in fate? Then how do you explain the fact that we’re standing here having this conversation? How do you explain the people watching us? How do you explain any of it?
REASON I can’t explain it. I firmly believe, however, that although I don’t have the ability to change any of that, I do have the ability to change my own actions. I can choose to talk to you, or I can choose to be silent. I can choose to drink tea, or I can choose not to. I can choose to be paranoid, or I can choose to be reasonable. And most of all, I can choose to be controlled by outside influences, or I can choose to take my life into my own hands. It’s all a matter of choice.
PARANOIA Oh come on… this is all a big plot to crush us. They don’t want us to succeed, so there’s no way we’re going to. We’re just a spectacle for them to watch… a show for their entertainment! We’re doomed to tragedy!
REASON Or comedy?
PARANOIA Or comedy! But their idea of comedy always ends up with someone getting hurt. We live in a violent society these days! Children are brought up watching so much killing on TV that they have no choice but to find humour in it! The fact is, tragedy or comedy, we’re fucked either way!
REASON Whatever you say
PARANOIA Whatever I say? It’s not about what I say! It’s about what’s destined to happen…
REASON (Finally sounding annoyed, closes the suitcase violently) Then why do you even care? If it’s destined to happen, and you can’t change it, then what does it even matter? Why are you spending so much time trying to figure it out if you’re one hundred percent positive that there’s nothing you can do to change it? You’re just wasting your time if that’s the case, and you’re making quite the fool of yourself by being contradictory!
PARANOIA (shocked at the sudden outburst, pausing for a moment, then sounding even more paranoid then before) You…..you put the gun there, didn’t you? You were planning this all along! You knew this would happen!!! And now you’re going to leave me (gesturing at suitcase) … and what, I’m supposed to shoot myself? What kind of sick twisted person are you?
REASON Just listen to yourself, man! You’ve gone off the deep end. I didn’t put that gun there, someone else did. And yes, I’m leaving. You want to know why? Because I can!!! I’ve made a decision, and now I’m following through with it. It’s called action. It’s what drives our lives forward. You have the ability to make decisions too, but you choose not to. You choose to obsess over questions that have no answers… and if they do have answers, you ignore them, and insist that the answers, which are blatantly obvious to everyone but you, are false. You’re in denial, and you need to wake up and smell the coffee you hid in the couch.
PARANOIA So this is it then? You’re just going to leave me?
REASON (sits on edge of stage) Actually, I’m just leaving here… if you want to come, you’re more than welcome.
PARANOIA That’s just a trick isn’t it? You’re probably going to kill me in some back alley somewhere!
REASON Believe what you want, the offer’s there.
PARANOIA I’d prefer to stay alive, thank you.
REASON I thought one of us had to get shot?
PARANOIA …
REASON Well, I’m off (Jumps off stage, leaves through crowd)
PARANOIA (goes and sits on the couch) I knew this was a tragedy.
(Curtain closes, gunshot can be heard)