Deceptively delicious... I'm shocked and appalled

So I’m sitting here today, chowing down on some coffeecake I purchased… and thinking “this doesn’t taste as good as normal… I wonder how much coffee they actually put in here”

Oh how misguided a soul I can be sometimes. In all the years I have been enjoying such devilish delights, I never in that time guessed that the very title of my beloved coffeecake was a lie. That’s right people…. there is no coffee in coffeecake.

What? I can’t be serious, right? Well, I’m very serious. I’m dead serious. I checked the ingredient list for the deceptive pastry only to find out that there isn’t one bean’s worth of coffee in the entire cake. Not one. Not even a grain.

It seems that coffeecake, like everything in life these days, has a marketing team behind the scenes, pulling the strings. The public relations industry no doubt spent a fortune shaping public opinion to believe that this simple bland pastry had something special inside. Instead, we’re left with nothing but deceit… sweet, sweet, bitter deceit. Lucky for us, the bitterness of deceit is masked by remarkable sweetness. It’s becoming evermore apparent that the propaganda machine is well oiled with syrup and shortening.

So how many others have been duped into believing the lie? How many people chow down on their coffeecake in the morning before work only to find themselves oddly sluggish throughout the day? How many migraine sufferers have endured hours of needless agony because nature’s wonder-drug was unknowingly absent from their emergency pastry?

Well, like every disappointment in life, there’s no real way to quantify the damage done. Sufficed to say: Dorothy had it right… beware the baker behind the curtain. Don’t take everything at face value. What you don’t see can indeed harm you. A rose by any other name may just be a rose… but that rose might stab you in the back faster than you can gulp down your espresso. It might steal your girlfriend and run away to guam. It might actually be coffeecake in disguise. Coffeecake, without the coffee.

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