The great coffeecake deception
Deceptively delicious... I'm shocked and appalled
So I’m sitting here today, chowing down on some coffeecake I purchased… and thinking “this doesn’t taste as good as normal… I wonder how much coffee they actually put in here”
Oh how misguided a soul I can be sometimes. In all the years I have been enjoying such devilish delights, I never in that time guessed that the very title of my beloved coffeecake was a lie. That’s right people…. there is no coffee in coffeecake.
What? I can’t be serious, right? Well, I’m very serious. I’m dead serious. I checked the ingredient list for the deceptive pastry only to find out that there isn’t one bean’s worth of coffee in the entire cake. Not one. Not even a grain.
It seems that coffeecake, like everything in life these days, has a marketing team behind the scenes, pulling the strings. The public relations industry no doubt spent a fortune shaping public opinion to believe that this simple bland pastry had something special inside. Instead, we’re left with nothing but deceit… sweet, sweet, bitter deceit. Lucky for us, the bitterness of deceit is masked by remarkable sweetness. It’s becoming evermore apparent that the propaganda machine is well oiled with syrup and shortening.
So how many others have been duped into believing the lie? How many people chow down on their coffeecake in the morning before work only to find themselves oddly sluggish throughout the day? How many migraine sufferers have endured hours of needless agony because nature’s wonder-drug was unknowingly absent from their emergency pastry?
Well, like every disappointment in life, there’s no real way to quantify the damage done. Sufficed to say: Dorothy had it right… beware the baker behind the curtain. Don’t take everything at face value. What you don’t see can indeed harm you. A rose by any other name may just be a rose… but that rose might stab you in the back faster than you can gulp down your espresso. It might steal your girlfriend and run away to guam. It might actually be coffeecake in disguise. Coffeecake, without the coffee.
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That’s why I stopped eating cakes when I was young.
omfglol CAEK
I HAS A KOFFEE
dfatso, you stopped because there is no coffee in it?
LMFAO this is why I love knowing you buddy, the seemingly random, arbitrary RAGE you express so well, and about such a silly topic. Of COURSE coffee cake has no coffee in it. It’s cake to be served WITH coffee
but I must also add I feel very cheated. I went and bought a pound cake the other day, and it only weighed 1/3rd of a pound! So I took it back to Safeway and demanded they give me the other 2/3rds of my cake! They refused! GAH!
It’s a cake conspiracy, I tells yah. Cake to be served with coffee? THAT COULD BE ANY CAKE! :O
I was always under the impression it was called coffee cake because it was usually served with coffee. Yes, you’ve fallen susceptible to a marketing ploy … one which has clearly failed because it’s aim was to make you have coffee with your coffee cake …. not just the cake alone.
TEH CAEK IS A LIE!!!
That’s fucking geek gold kaneel… you da man